On becoming mother & healer
How mothering led me to my true nature.
I began my healing journey during my pregnancy with my first child. I received a mantra meditation practice from a friend. This simple Sanskrit meditation transformed my life. It brought me into deep awareness and awakening before, during and after my son’s birth.
As a new mother I wanted to understand everything about raising my child. I became aware of a deep yearning within me, to know the truths that my great great grandmothers had known, to see and feel beneath the surface of daily life and into the depths of this special relationship.
When my son was born, I was overwhelmed by my unconditional love for him. I was compelled to listen closely and observe our profound connection. As the months passed my confidence as a mother grew which was directly related to the daily meditation that I was practicing.
I would meditate while nursing my son while cooking dinner and doing laundry or dishes. On days when I was unable to accomplish housework, I would relax into the moment with my baby, gazing at his beautiful face, I would often sing the mantra to him.
I found that when I let go of my urgency and agenda, I could see, feel and hear so much more. I received profound insights. I began to long for this sweet silence mixed with the squirming, cooing and crying of my baby. I was learning so much about myself from being with him in this way.
My confidence took time to build, I had days that felt like setbacks, I had doubts and I had clouds but I also had resolve. I knew that this was part of a bigger picture. I could see that I was beginning to look into the hidden depths and that I may never see to the floor of this vast ocean of love.
When my son turned 3 we set out on our first pilgrimage to the South Indian Ashram of Sri Kaleshwar, the teacher who had taught the mantra meditation that I had been practicing.
That trip was pivotal for me. The crossroads of my spiritual journey stared down at me and I felt as if my whole being was at once dying and being born.
We stayed in India for 6 weeks; it was the most intense 6 weeks of my life. That time was filled with new experiences and the powerful magic of India itself took hold in my heart. I felt that I had come home to a place and people, to knowledge and understanding that lived somewhere in the depth of my being, revealing truths that had been buried within me. My spiritual journey began with that first mantra meditation and has taken root in my life.
My son is now 18 years old, his brother is 13 years old. They have grown into caring, thoughtful, respectful young men. They are both pillars of their school communities, though they struggle with normal life obstacles, they have a balanced internal agency that has proven to bring them through tough times.
Raising my two sons with the ancient techniques of self-realization has opened my life to experiences and opportunities that I could never have imagined. It has shown me that the way we view children affects how they view themselves.
We are living in a time of spiritual emptiness and confusion, a paradoxical place in the evolution of our collective awakening. We are at once stuck in an unending negative thought stream while right next to us is the most dazzling positive energy. How do we open ourselves to see and utilize it?
It is through the work of healing ourselves that we will grow past the negativity and into the light of our true power.
During my own healing process, I found the simple truth, that a mother’s love is the top healing love on the planet, this has become the foundation of my parenting philosophy. Mother and father are the highest healers for their children.
I now know what the yearning I felt so many years ago was leading me to. It was leading me through every aspect of my being to show me the real knowledge was hidden within me all along.
Healing and happiness are a function of our state of being. We have everything we need within us. With the right guidance and support, we can find our way back to our truest selves, answering the call of our hearts as we raise our children with the wisdom of self-realization and true love.